Secrets to Have More Time Part 1

Question:

“Dear Barnsley, I am caring for my mother with dementia, the affairs of an uncle who is placed in a nursing home as well as helping my husband who is a pastor.  I am trying to do the ground work to open a new business, but I need more time to do the planning.  Give me some suggestions, please!”

P.M., Gaston, NC

Answer:

Dear P.M., You’ve got the perfect initials my friend because you probably have to stay up ALL NIGHT to get all this stuff done!  My goodness, just reading your question makes me want to get my thyroid checked!  Contrary to public opinion, you are NOT Mrs. Fix-It or Mrs. Be-All-To-Everyone!

So many time management programs try to help you find ways to pack MORE into your day.  Well, my dear, you are nuttier than a pecan sundae if you do that.  I want you to go on a radical “no” diet in which you say NO to doing all this yourself!

You already know you’re doing too much–That’s a start! (Pause and pat yourself on the back–Go ahead, do it…)

You love your mother and your uncle and obviously want to help them out.  However, there are nursing assistants, nursing students, and college students who would LOVE, especially in this economy, to have a little part-time job on the side.  PLEASE, P.M., hire one of them to do just a FEW hours every week so YOU can focus on your business. (Then make sure you go to a room and close–and lock–the door or head to a coffee shop to work on your planning.  Meet a friend there and let it be a “planning date” in which you work separately, and once an hour  take a break to share what you’ve strategized.  You’ll be amazed at how much you can get done in just an hour or two!)

As for your husband–He’s a pastor, that’s his job.  YOUR job is to get YOUR business, YOUR mission, up and running. Find someone else to help your husband or better yet, let him put a call for volunteers in the church bulletin or newsletter to get his own helpers.  It’s NOT your responsibility to do all you’re doing, even if he is your hubby, even if you love him through and through, even if you want him to be successful.  (The one exception here is that if Rev. Hubby is giving you lots of HIS time helping YOU get YOUR business going, then it’s good for you to give a little back.  We wouldn’t want the karma gods to frown on you, now would we??)

P.M., you’ve got a vicious (but treatable) case of “do-itus” in which you are doing for everyone else except yourself!  And, my friend, that is the fast track to a heart attack.

STOOOOPPPPPP!  Please!  Figure out something you can let go of for just a few hours a week–say 3 to 6–and hire someone or get someone to volunteer to take over that responsibility for you. (Or just forget about it altogether–If it’s really important, that will be evident once you DON’T do it for a few days.)

Onwards!