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Personal Growth Articles
You are welcome to use any of the articles written by Barnsley Brown on your site or in your newsletter or ezine as long as Barnsley Brown retains the copyright and you include this byline at the end of the article:

Dr. Barnsley Brown helps people create lives and work they love as a motivational speaker, business coach, and seminar leader! Subscribe to her free motivational e-newsletter and check out her free articles at www.spirited-solutions.com.

Transform Your Self, Transform Your World

Change The Channel and Get Results!

Meet and Melt Resistance With (Non) Action

Claim Your Independence, Claim Your Power Now!

“ ‘Phenomenal Women’ and ‘Honorary Men’ Eat Lunch at Barclay Villa”

Leading With Love

Spirited Solutions for Your Challenges

How To Have The Most Stressful Holiday Imaginable

Ambulances, Struggle, & Surrender

Who's Your Daddy? - Freeing the Father Within

Birthing Your Dreams

Cultivating Roots That Hold

Getting Unstuck

Gratitude is POWER!

Making Peace with the Past

The Freedom of Forgiveness

What the Heck are New Year's (Re) solutions?

Putting Out Fires

Living with Loss

The Secret of Happiness

Here's to a Prosperous New Year

The following articles are provided for your personal and professional development.  Reproduction of them without permission of the author is strictly prohibited.

 

Change The Channel and Get Results!  This article appeared in the October 2006 issue of Spirited Solutions' E-Newsletter.

Last week I attended a presentation on John Miller’s popular business book, QBQ! The Question Behind the Question, a timely reminder of the harmfulness of victim thinking. So often we focus on why this is happening to me or why so and so do doesn’t do such and such, and we forget that the only person we have control over is ourselves.

It’s one of the reasons the 12-step programs—Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon for the family and friends of alcoholics, Overeaters Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous, and so on—are so helpful, not just for the person who is actively addicted to whatever substance but also for his or her friends, family, and cohorts, all of whom are impacted by the addiction. In fact, the folks around an addict may find that they themselves are addicted to a process of negative victim thinking that blocks their own recovery.

12-Step programs offer a powerful prayer that no doubt some of you are familiar with, The Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I often like to add “people” to the equation, sometimes even by name:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things and people [or person by name] I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This tiny little prayer is like a Buddhist koan; you could study it for a lifetime and still not completely understand. But it gives us access to an essential truth of life—Much of life is out of our control, particularly in the realm of human behavior.

The man whose boss is verbally abusive cannot change the boss’s behavior nor can the woman whose spouse is having an affair change his infidelity. Yet each of these individuals has the choice of asking a different question other than “Why me?” (And you know we’ve ALL asked that question at some point in our lives…)

What if the worker asked, “What can I do to find a new job?” or “How can I maintain my equanimity and do my job well even when my boss is ranting?” Or the wife could ask, “How can I improve my relationship with my husband?” or “What steps do I need to take to leave this relationship and find someone who values fidelity as much as I do?”

In either case, the individual is only paralyzed by victim thinking as long as s/he focuses on what I call the “Woe Is Me” channel. Those of you who have attended my presentations or taken seminars with me know that I often talk about changing the channel. Why should we focus on “Victim am I” when we can affirm, “Victor am I”??!!

Please note: I am not ignoring the fact that there are victimizers aplenty in our world, people who commit heinous crimes, betray us, cause us pain and misery, and try to quell our creative spirits. But after all is said and done, how often do we let them take up residence in our brains? How long will we let our focus be on what was “done” to us instead of what we can do?

Think about Immaculee Ilibagiza , the young woman who lost most of her family in the 1994 Rwandan genocide and yet has focused her efforts on working for the United Nations and writing her moving autobiography, Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. She’s had every reason to be bitter, but instead has chosen the path of personal accountability, asking, “What can I do to improve this situation?” “What is in my power here?” “How can I forgive those who killed my family and spread a message of survival and hope?”

Or think of the Dalai Lama whose people have been persecuted by the Chinese for decades and yet he refers to the Chinese with the same love and compassion as he does native Tibetans. One of his basic tenets is that we all want happiness and do not want suffering. Though exiled from his country, the Dalai Lama chooses to affirm the essential sameness and goodness of all people.
.
My friends, we have a choice every moment of our lives. We can take responsibility for what is in our power and be response-able, able to respond proactively to whatever or whoever threatens to undermine our peace of mind or security. Or we can turn our channel to “Woe is me,” curl up in a corner somewhere, and lament/whine/complain/judge what or who is wreaking havoc in our lives.

What choice do you think will get the results YOU want? Which channel do you need to change in YOUR life?

Meet and Melt Resistance With (Non) Action This article appeared in the September 2006 issue of Spirited Solutions' E-Newsletter.

No one likes to struggle but sometimes our lives are filled with perspiration, not inspiration. We’re working, working, and working some more, but nothing seems to get done and we seem to be going nowhere.

It’s like we’re stopped in traffic on the interstate of our lives. If you’re like me, you’re pounding on that horn, riding the tail of the car in front of you, and using some unsavory or downright ugly language in your impatience to get a move on.

Yet, the engine in your car is still running and things are still in motion, albeit internally. There may be no evidence of external movement, but the internal workings of your car are pretty impressive if you throw the hood up and take a look or slide under the car for a different view. (Don’t try this in traffic, okay??)

My point? Much more is going on and shifting than we are ever aware of, and perhaps we need to sit still for a bit to let it all sink in. Perhaps we need to sacrifice our societal addiction to speed and constant motion, and take a little breather.

When you’ve been relentlessly pounding away at a project or goal, perhaps the best thing you can do when you keep reaching the same obstacle over and over is just sit it out. There’s a reason for resistance—It’s a clear sign that a) we need to change our approach and keep moving in the same direction or b) we need to change direction altogether.

You’ve heard the old adage, “When one door closes, another opens.” That’s swell, but what if you need to forget doors completely and look for a way to tear the walls down or climb up on the roof? What if you need to consider a completely different possibility, one which will be fruitful rather than frustrating?

Resistance is our clue that we need to slow down, reevaluate, reassess, and then take appropriate action. Otherwise, we may push through, running over everything and everyone in our path (including ourselves), not finding what we sought in the first place.

Please remember that doing nothing or waiting is also action! Anyone who has lived through a hurricane will tell you that. You’ve got to wait out the eye and its aftermath—If you start moving too soon, you’ll likely be hurt or even killed.

So the next time you find yourself facing some kind of resistance in your life—you want to make things happen but they just aren’t, you’re unable to overcome your own resistance to something, or someone else is resisting what you’re trying to accomplish—take a breather, go to a safe space, and ask, “What do I need to do to wait this resistance out?” Either the obstacle will melt away on its own and the traffic of your life will start moving again or you’ll think up an alternate route, perhaps even a detour that leads you to an incredible destination you never imagined possible!
 

Claim Your Independence, Claim Your Power Now!  This article appeared in the July 2006 issue of Spirited Solutions' E-Newsletter.

With July 4th just around the corner, it seems fitting to ask a simple question, “What do you stand for?” What core values do you espouse? What forms the foundation of your life?

As John Cougar Mellencamp sang, “You’ve got to stand for somethin’ or you’re gonna fall for anything.” Have you ever felt disinclined to participate in a group, event, or activity but not sure why? Time to realign with your core values, with what you believe is true!

In my last article, I discussed setting boundaries for success, but we can’t set those boundaries unless we know what our values are. Our values are determined by what we consider ethical, important, and true versus what we think doesn’t matter or is illusory. Core values are just that—They get to the heart of who we are and what we think, and they, in large part, determine how we behave and operate in the world.

Some examples of positive core values:
“I believe in a benevolent Higher Power who wishes me success and happiness.”
“I am here to provide a helpful service to humanity.”
“Taking care of my family is vital to me.”

And some examples of detrimental core values:
“Men are superior to women (or vice versa).”
“The “X” group is inferior to the “Y” group to which I belong.” (You fill in “X” and “Y”.)
“Material wealth is the source of happiness.”

Many of us live our lives without examining our core values, most of which are inherited from the tribes or groups to which we belong as well as our primary caregivers. We may never realize that other people live their lives according to totally different codes. We may never become conscious enough to choose our core values instead of letting them be chosen for us.

This month it is my challenge to you to do some thoughtful exploration, excavating those values to which you ascribe. Spend some time writing down what you see as life’s truths or maxims. Then, for each item on your list, ask yourself these questions:

1) From whom does this “truth” originate? Do I really think this is true or is this simply a belief or idea I have inherited?
2) Why do I believe this? What evidence do I have to support this notion?
3) For whom would this statement not be true or under what conditions would it not be valid? Why?
4) Do I need to let go of this “truth” and replace it with another idea that is more in line with who I am and our global community? If so, what would that new idea be?

Let’s say, for example, you have the belief that Southerners are superior to Northerners. This belief has been passed on in your family (your very Southern family, of course) for decades. Asking the litany of questions above, you would most likely realize that you inherited this belief, that Northerners would not concur, and that your statement has no conclusive evidence to support it. You would hopefully revise your value statement to respect both groups and instead think about the qualities you admire in Southerners—such as a good sense of humor and reverence for storytelling—that can be shared by individuals who are from both the North and the South.

Our founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence, but let us recall that the independence they were affirming was for white males only. Women and people of color were excluded from the freedoms enumerated in the Declaration. The Declaration of Independence was severely limited in scope.

In the same respect, our own “truth” statements about ourselves, others, our work, our nations, our faiths, and our world are often unnecessarily narrow. How can we truly be free if we cannot see the limitations in our own values and beliefs?

This July 4th I challenge to declare your independence from musty old thinking patterns that are preventing you from engaging in our dynamic, diverse, global society. I encourage you to search for what is beyond the absolutes you believe in and thereby to become more astute, well-rounded, and respectful of differences. I encourage you to claim a power that does not oppress, repress, depress, or suppress others and focuses instead on an ethics founded in cooperation rather than domination.

In other words, get outside your comfort zone! Take someone with radically different views to lunch and park your usual prejudices and biases in the car. Ask, listen, share, and taste the freedom of expression our country espouses. Put democracy into action and watch your mind break out and open!
 

“ ‘Phenomenal Women’ and ‘Honorary Men’ Eat Lunch at Barclay Villa” by Aaron Thomas This article appeared on the front page of the Angier Independent on May 2nd, 2006.

“We are all phenomenal women.”

That was the key message Dr. Barnsley Brown delivered to about 70 Angier and Dunn administrative professionals, most of them women, at the Barclay Villa Wednesday.

This was the 10th annual Administrative Professionals Luncheon, which was organized by the Angier Chamber of Commerce and Triangle South Enterprises/Central Carolina Community College-Small Business Center.

“Sometimes they (administrative professionals) go unappreciated and this is a way to thank them for what they do,” said Jamie Strickland, executive director for the Angier Chamber of Commerce.

Dr. Barnsley Brown was hired by Nancy Blackman, director of Small Business Center-CCCC of Harnett County. Blackman said she was introduced to Brown by last year’s speaker, Denise Ryan.

“Dr. Brown put a lot of energy into it (her speech),” Blackman said. “Evaluations were excellent.”

The state small business center is allocated about $8,000 and the funds are split among the counties for things like marketing seminars or in this case a motivational speaker.

Brown’s speech focused on women as phenomenal people, many of whom have overcome abusive situations and risen to success like Tina Turner and Oprah Winfrey.

“We are all phenomenal women,” Brown said. “We need to claim that and live our lives by using skills that demonstrate that.”

Brown’s start at motivational speaking began at a church when she was 15 years old.

“I had forgotten about it until a few years ago. So I do have some precedent,” she said.

Brown said women were all leaders and they should claim that and change the world.

She pointed out examples of servant leaders, a term found in business literature today, such as Jesus and Buddha.

Near the end of the interactive speaking event, Brown prompted attendees to take the action steps provided on a handout distributed before her presentation.

“I want people to commit and say, ‘Wow, I’m going to create my own mission statement,’” Brown said.

Brown’s biggest motivator for speaking came from her recent allergic reaction to possibly seafood, which forced her into the hospital for seven days undergoing numerous tests.

“The doctors didn’t know what was wrong,” she said. “I literally almost died.”

That, she said, was a defining moment in her life, and pushed her to do as many speaking events as she could.

Brown has spoken in the Triangle area. She did a training series with Applied Medical Systems of Durham and she regularly speaks in the small business system through community colleges.

“My reward is having people say they have something to take away,” Brown said. “I want to take the message of service everywhere.”

Brown also volunteers with Source Force, a non-profit organization that helps below-poverty people with cancer, HIV, and AIDS; and she also volunteers at the Orange County Women’s Center.

And behind the scenes, Strickland credited Sherri Conner of the Angier Chamber Board of Directors as the powerhouse behind organizing the event.

“Sherri was the driving force who organized it all and got the sponsors,” Strickland said.

“Everyone enjoyed being at Barclay Villa,” Conner said. “We have already secured the caterer and the Barclay Villa for next year.”

The biggest challenge, Conner said, was getting the word out farther.

“We had 50 attend last year and this year we had 70, so I expect the turnout to be even greater next year,” Conner said.

Conner and Strickland said they were both grateful to the sponsors. 

The meal was catered by Frisco’s City Club in Dunn.

Leading With Love  This article appeared in the February 2006 issue of Spirited Solutions' E-Newsletter.

Think about the leaders you most cherished when you were growing up. Were they the folks who won the Nobel prizes, the ones who led our country to greater equality, the individuals who achieved unprecedented levels of success and effected social change?

I’d bet that you, like me, can easily name leaders—Martin Luther King, Jr., Mother Teresa, JFK, Gloria Steinem, and so many more—who left such a profound mark on society that they transformed us collectively.

But what about the everyday leaders, those individuals who impacted your life?

Recently I gave a presentation on leadership and asked participants to recall a leader who had changed their lives powerfully. For one it was a coach, for several, a grandmother, for others, a youth minister or teacher. Interestingly, not a single person mentioned the “famous” leaders whose names are found in the history books.

The fact is that each of us is a leader, each of us is serving as a model, and each of us has the opportunity to influence and touch others profoundly every day of our lives!

We often forget that fact. If you ever doubt the impact we have on each other, think about someone who you shared a moment with, a moment that transformed your life.

For me, such a moment transpired when one of my teachers, the poet Robert Creeley, validated who I was and gave me a gift of healing. He witnessed a very painful childhood recollection I was writing about and gave me the gift of understanding and support in just a single sentence spoken with compassion.

Did he lead an army to victory? Did he change the legal structure? Did he boost the global economy? No, he simply gave me his full attention, chose to look at me with deep caring and love, and said four words, just four words.

Robert Creeley died last year. I was so grateful that I had gotten back into contact with him just nine months before he passed. I never told him what his words meant to me, but I let him know how much he meant to me and let him know what I was doing with my life.

I saved one of the emails he sent me and look back at it often when I feel discouraged. This poet-teacher of mine had the ability to see into my soul and hold a space of becoming for me that no one else had. He seemed to see my past, present, and future all at once, and held the vision so gently and tenderly that I felt known and loved for who I was and who I was becoming.

Isn’t that what it means to lead with love?

How are you leading those around you? How are you supporting your children? Your friends? Your spouse? Your neighbors? Your co-workers? Your clients?

Are you recognizing their efforts, guiding them, appreciating what they do well, and making yourself the kind of person who uplifts and motivates others rather than manages them? Are you wrapped up in your ego or are you a leader who looks for the good in everyone, builds on those strengths, and serves in whatever way is needed?

Are you willing to be fully present to someone else’s process of growth and becoming?

Until we lead with love, we do not lead; we dominate. Who are you leading today? Who is watching what you do—perhaps clandestinely—searching for a way to reach inside themselves and excavate the talents and abilities that will fulfill and distinguish them and make a difference in the world?

Look around you. You’ll find those you are leading—everywhere, at every moment! Open your eyes and wake up to the reality that you are a leader right now!

Spirited Solutions for Your Challenges! 
This article appeared in the December 2005/January 2006 issue of Innerchange magazine. 

What are you most passionate about in life? Besides the aroma of fresh coffee brewing, what makes you bound out of bed in the morning?

I’ve asked myself these questions repeatedly, particularly in the early 1990s when I was struggling to put myself through graduate school. Between a full load of classes and the three jobs I was working to pay my way, it was an immensely stressful time.

That was until I found Reiki, a profound method of natural stress and pain relief that relaxes and revitalizes those who practice it. I was exposed to Reiki after a harrowing car accident in 1992, and it immediately began to improve my life!

After training for two years, I started teaching Reiki in 1994. When Karen founded Innerchange in 1996, I was delighted to have a venue to let people know about my classes and the free, open healing group that I host—still to this day—on a regular basis. Innerchange provides a vital resource for those of us who want to learn and grow, and it has been my pleasure to write articles for and appear in Innerchange these last ten years!

Since 1996, my business has changed immeasurably. I had to let go of much of my Reiki teaching during 1996-1999 when I was teaching at Wake Forest University and UNC. Then in September of 2000, I felt the call to make healing work the center of my life. I started Spirited Solutions™, a business dedicated to helping people like you achieve optimal success and well-being in their lives!

To expand and enhance the services Spirited Solutions™ offers, I trained in Thought Field Therapy™, kinesiology, dowsing, Healing Touch, and other healing methods, and was ordained as an Interfaith Minister. I buttressed these trainings with numerous business courses in the area, and these have proven essential to the success of Spirited Solutions™.

Now, not only do I provide Reiki individual sessions, group classes, and intuitive counseling, but I also offer business seminars and coaching based on my real experiences as a teacher, trainer, professional speaker, and entrepreneur. These dynamic programs have been very popular in business development centers and organizations across the state and focus on networking, customer service, avoiding business burnout, creative marketing, leadership, and other fascinating topics.

One of the most exciting recent developments in the business has been that I started doing motivational speaking for conferences, churches, associations, non-profits, and businesses! It has been a pleasure to earn membership in the National Speakers Association and to educate, inspire, and motivate so many more folks than I can work with in my private practice.

It’s been wonderful to realize that my work with groups informs my work with individuals and vice versa. Working one-on-one with clients is exciting and rewarding, and makes me cognizant of the issues that I need to address with groups.

Do I love what I do? Absolutely! Nowadays, most people are looking for meaningful work, healthy relationships, and expression of their authentic selves! My gift lies in helping folks figure out what their passions are, how to pursue them, and how to balance their lives to have time, energy, and resources for what matters most to them.

Who are my clients? People who feel stuck and want to get their lives moving in a positive direction! People who want to be excited about their lives and feel energized on a totally new level! Courageous individuals who know that now is the time to make their dreams become reality!

Since you’re reading Innerchange, obviously you are already on a quest for personal and professional growth. Yet I wonder, are you making the most of your precious life? Are you genuinely happy and fulfilled on the deepest levels? Do you desire to know why you’re here and ACHIEVE what you’re meant to accomplish?

What groups are you a member of—church groups, civic groups, volunteer organizations, non-profits, and business associations—and how would they benefit from a powerful motivational presentation? To find out which of our seventeen seminars and keynotes would most inspire and benefit your group, visit our professional services page at www.spiritedsolutions.com/services_professional.html.

You’re also invited to subscribe to Spirited Solutions™’ free email newsletter and check out our exciting offerings at www.spirited-solutions.com. And if you’re seriously looking for a counselor or coach, I’ll be pleased to offer you a free 30-minute getting-to-know-you session.

Don’t you and the groups you’re part of need Spirited Solutions™ for your challenges? You’ve seen us for ten years in Innerchange—Why not see us in person and let us help you create a life and work you love!

You are invited to contact Barnsley Brown, PhD, at barnsley@spirited-solutions.com or 919-967-1164, and subscribe to Spirited Solutions’ inspiring, free e-newsletter at www.spirited-solutions.com.

How to Have the Most Stressful Holiday Imaginable!
This article appeared in the November 2005 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

If you’re like me, this time of year you start seeing articles on how to have a stress-free holiday, create meaningful holiday traditions, nurture yourself during the holidays, and so on. You start thinking about how to get things done ahead of time, how to juggle all the events and parties, and how to be better at everything. And if you’re like me, you start to feel a lot of pressure.

It starts with Halloween. Now instead of just a simple jack-o-lantern, you’ve got to decorate the entire yard, littering it with fiberglass cobwebs, lighted witches, little ghosts in the trees, and bloodied hands that move when their motion detectors are activated. Then you have to get the Halloween candy ready. Lots of it. And it better be the good stuff, not what you could get at the Dollar Store.

Around Halloween, you also start preparing for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, even New Year’s. You buy, buy, buy and plan, plan, plan! The American culture of consumption consumes you and then belches, satisfied.

In the meantime, you work yourself into a veritable stress-frenzy! Here are some tips for how to do it:

1. Be a perfectionist. In the kitchen, this means making everything from scratch. Why on earth would you want to use one of those awful mixes?? Doesn’t your family deserve only the very best?
    

2. Take Martha Stewart’s lead and make everything you use to decorate. Grow your own holly. Sculpt your own menorah. Cut out your very own doilies in beautiful snowflake patterns, each one a completely original design. Sew the stockings—no, crochet them by hand—for your entire family, including second and third cousins. Don’t forget your step-family or your godchild either. Or Bubbles, the goldfish.
    

3. Wait until 11 pm on Christmas Eve to do all your shopping. Don’t you dare buy anything before then! Have a fabulous time fighting for a parking space at the mall, and then enjoy the rush of buying stuff your loved ones will gladly give to Goodwill.
    

4. Whatever you do, don’t give anything to charity. Don’t cook at the soup kitchen, don’t create an angel tree for donations of gifts for needy children. Don’t put a nickel in the Salvation Army’s bucket. Don’t do anything but contemplate the bump on the end of your nose.
    

5. Get really, really worried about that bump. It seems to have changed shape. What if it’s cancerous??? Read about skin cancer for hours and bemoan your fate.
    

6. Spend the holidays with your least favorite family members, the ones who wouldn’t mind backing over you when they cruise out of your driveway. Hey, what are family for??
    

7. Forget old friends. They’re from the past and the past is past. Live in the present. Don’t get nostalgic, and for goodness sakes, don’t even think about those who have died. Life is for the living. Forget about everyone else.
    

8. Finally, refuse to believe in reindeer, Santa Claus, Jack Frost, the Grinch, and any of the other magical things about the holidays. Be sure to tell everyone that those are just cultural icons. And whatever you do, don’t think about what the holidays meant for you when you were a child. Bah, humbug!

If you really want to be radical, you could unplug the TV, turn off the computer, and bury your cell phone in the back yard. And if you want to be downright revolutionary, you could stop the gift-giving frenzy and give the gift of love, heartful listening, beautiful caroling, and funny family stories to those you care about—and yourself.

It’s your choice, isn’t it?

Ambulances, Struggle, & Surrender
This article appeared in the August 2005 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

Do I have some wild news to tell you! I got to take my first ambulance ride! Yes, a couple of weeks ago, I had a severe anaphylactic reaction to something—we don’t know what—and I ended up on a stretcher in a brand spanking new ambulance, on my way to UNC hospitals.

It was a sober moment, I’ll assure you, but the EMS angel and I had good laugh over the fact that I was blessed with the nicest, state-of-the-art ambulance for my ride. Hey, if you’ve gotta go to the hospital, why not go in style???

I spent a week in the hospital, one foot in this world and one in the other, just thinking about my life and all the people who have touched it. And you know what? When my throat was swelling up and I was afraid I soon wouldn’t be able to breathe, guess what I was thinking about?

Not the wash I needed to do, not this newsletter, not even my new Toyota RAV. All I could think about were the people I love and how much I wanted to have just one more conversation with each of them—really, with each of you!

We are addicted to struggle in our society, and we are certainly addicted to our work. (Do you think there might be a relationship there??!!) We often neglect our relationships with old friends, family, and even those closest to us because we need to be “responsible” and “productive.”

What would happen if we gave up that Puritan legacy that binds us to suffering, struggle, and the twisted notion of no pain, no gain? What if we decided to do what we darn well please and didn’t apologize for all the joy that brings us?

I’ve learned a lot through this experience, but one of the major lessons is that I need to slow down and spend more time with me, with God, and with those I love. It’s that simple.

The quality of our lives is only as good as the quality of our relationships. And that includes our relationships with our own selves and our Higher Power. Stephen Covey talks about putting deposits in your relationship bank account. But some of us haven’t even OPENED that account! Others of us don’t even know that account EXISTS!

What are you doing today to know yourself and appreciate yourself better, to understand your family and appreciate them more, and to nourish your friends and colleagues and not take them for granted? What are you doing to stay connected to your Higher Power?

Think about it. As for me, I’ve gotta sign off now—I’m going to a movie matinee with two dear friends. The title of the film is “Yes!”

Say YES to the love in your life. It’s the only thing you’ll think about when it comes time for you to leave this planet. And, it’s the only thing your soul can take with you when you go.

Who's Your Daddy? - Freeing the Father Within
This article appeared in the June 2005 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

Did you ever notice that in our culture, we use “mothering” to connote nurturing, supporting, and even coddling, when the word “fathering” only refers to the biological act? In other words, when we speak of fathering someone, we refer only to the act of providing the sperm necessary to produce offspring.

Doesn’t that strike you as a little odd? Why do we associate mothering with primarily positive, even spiritual qualities while we reduce fathering to a primarily physical act?

It occurs to me this Father’s Day that we need some new definitions of fathering that empower not only men but also women to be our best. What are the qualities you associate with a good father? Someone who protects and guides you, who cares about your well-being and is tough on you when needed? Someone who believes in you and wants you to succeed? Someone who is a catalyst for your growth?

My biological father has been largely absent from my life, yet I’ve been “fathered” by a number of amazing men, men who saw my potential and were willing to invest their time, attention, and yes, their love to see that I brought it to fulfillment. I am grateful to these men for showing me what I could not see in myself; they provided focus, faith, and firm principles for my journey.

More importantly, they taught me I was "worth" being fathered! Now, I think often about what it means to father myself. How do we parent ourselves and our dreams? How do we mother and father ourselves and our visions to produce the results we want in life?

Let me suggest a few quick steps you can take to make this Father’s Day have a lasting impact in your life and the lives of all the men who have fathered you:
 

What kind of legacy has been left to you and how are you sharing it—positively and powerfully—with the world? And what kind of legacy are you creating as you find and free the spirit of fathering within yourself? Happy Father’s Day to all of us!
 

Birthing Your Dreams
This article appeared in the April 2005 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

It's my birthday today and I'm musing about what it was like for my mother to endure those eighteen long hours of labor before I appeared on the scene, eight pounds and two ounces of exuberant (and screaming) life! What was it like for my mother to arrive, finally, at that hour and minute, 7:17 am on April 11th, 1966, and to unleash/release me into the world? (For those of you calculating how old I am, give it a rest, okay???)

I love the word, "conceive." It bears within it such a beautiful metaphor for the act of creation. First we conceive of an idea, then we carefully craft it into a vision and a plan, and finally we birth our "conception" into the world. Each stage of the process bears within it its own lessons, truths, and pains.

I think of my doctoral defense, April 10th, 1996, just hours before I turned thirty. It was a marker, ironically before my actual birthday, of a conception that occurred years earlier when I began studying literature in high school. I identified with the writers I read and it made me yearn to complete a doctorate and become the first female PhD in my family. I was hungry to learn and to distinguish myself as "Barnsley Brown, PhD." (You do know that stands for "Piled higher and deeper," right?)

Who are you hungry to become? What are you yearning to birth in your life? Do you need to abort something - a negative, self-defeating habit or pattern, for example, in order to claim your good? What kind of plan do you need to make to ensure that your dreams become reality? Who is on your success team to support you?

It's pretty rare that folks give birth alone. Sure, we hear the isolated story of a 13-year-old who has her baby in a gas station restroom and dumps it in the trash. We recognize these stories as tragic not only for the abandoned baby but also for the mother who obviously didn't have the support she needed.

Support is essential to our success! In fact, giving birth to our dreams is a communal event. It requires that we gather all the resources and people on our team to help us in the process. But where are we to find help?

Here's my Top Ten Mental Midwifery List to help you round up all you need to birth your dream:

1) Get a mentor or a coach NOW! It's best to have a professional, not a family member, to guide, support, and hold you accountable! Sometimes our family members love us too much to be tough!
2) Enlist your family to help keep you on track with the work you're doing with your coach or mentor. Family can be immensely helpful in reminding us of our specific goals. (In some circles, this is known as nagging, but we'll choose to call it "support.")
3) Join a support group, writing group, therapy group, coaching group, or some other group of like-minded folks who share a dream similar to yours. Where do you find these groups? Try your local newspaper, the internet, the Chamber of Commerce, your church, the local arts center, public library, YMCA, and so on.
4) If an appropriate group doesn't exist, start one! Put a free ad in the community section of your local newspaper or go on the local radio station to recruit members. Be proactive and create what you want!
5) Stand on a busy corner near your local Wal-Mart with a big sign that says, "Dreamless and hungry. Desperate. Can you help?" (Note: Be sure to wear one of those reflective jackets so the odds of getting run over are significantly decreased.)
6) Find a buddy, a friend who has common goals, and make a pact to talk at least once a week and report what you've been accomplishing. Also agree to help each other find resources.
7) Explore websites, chat rooms, and blogs and take advantage of the on-line wisdom of others who have conceived similar dreams. To find suitable web resources, do a keyword search and narrow it as needed. Also use the links on sites you already know to find the ones they recommend.
8) Sign up for ezines (email magazines or newsletters) and Listservs from those sites that provide inspiration, how-to tools, and other info you need. The ongoing influx of new ideas will keep your creativity fertilized.
9) Check out internet barter boards to save money and take advantage of an array of resources. You can earn barter points that can be cashed in for just about anything you need to sustain your dream!
10) Network like a pro! Ask the essential question, "Who do you know who...?" everywhere you go, and soon you'll have more mental midwives than you can handle.

Don't miscarry your dream! Bring it to term by galvanizing all your resources, undergoing the necessary labor, and then delivering it into the world with the encouragement of your success team! 

What dreams do you have, kicking and screaming or perhaps just stirring inside you, aching to be set free?

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Cultivating Roots That Hold !
This article appeared in the March 2005 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

Recently, a tree fell in my yard. Yes, a tall, thirty-foot White Pine decided to find its final resting place in my back yard. I had returned from a hard but satisfying day of volunteer work with AIDS and cancer patients, and there it was - - completely uprooted from the earth with its top branches resting precariously in the limbs of another tree.

I was lucky -- and grateful -- it didn't smash my house. I was even more grateful for what that tree had to teach me. 

You see, I had been going through a major upheaval in my personal life. A relationship that I thought would last forever had suddenly gone sour, and I was trying to salvage some degree of faith in the face of a huge betrayal.

I was trying to salvage my belief that even when we feel hurt and our positive expectations are exploded, each of us still has the Divine Spark within!  We are each redeemable, no matter what we have done to others and to ourselves. (And the reality is that anything we do to others we are doing to ourselves. Try that on for a Golden Rule.)

That pine, uprooted, leaning on its neighbor, was a poignant reminder to me that upheaval always brings a blessing in its aftermath. The tree reminded me that when we feel most vulnerable, when the perennial carpet has been pulled out from under us, we need to identify what nourishes us and DO IT! We need to ask ourselves, What and who helps me feel rooted, grounded, and centered? Then we need to take action.

There's an anonymous saying, "Every flower must grow through dirt.." Where's the dirt in your life? Perhaps there's a speck here or there, or perhaps you feel like you're living in a veritable landfill. The point is, that dirt is just fodder. It's fertilizer. And it's necessary to the growth of the bulb that is your authentic self, burgeoning forth.

Thank you, God, for dirt!  Thank you, Spirit, for my problems, my pain, my suffering. Thank you, God, for helping me cut away the dead wood in my life.
We, like trees, need nourishment and strong roots to grow. The problem with the pine in my back yard was that only one-half of its roots were strong. Those roots simply couldn't hold the tree up by themselves.

In which areas are your roots weak? What do you need to strengthen in your life to be happy, healthy, and fulfilled? Take this short self-assessment to determine what needs some pruning or TLC. Be honest about where you are, and check only those statements that apply, or generally apply, to you.

Quick Self Assessment

___ I have a daily spiritual practice of meditation, prayer, journaling, or stillness that helps me listen to my authentic self.

___ I am part of a group or community in which I feel loved, supported, accepted, and appreciated. (This could be a church, a team, a civic organization, a non-profit, etc.)

___ I have at least three dear friends who would visit me in the hospital if I had an emergency, and at least one family member who stands by me through thick and thin.

___ My work relationships with colleagues, clients, and associates are strong and supportive, and I enjoy what I do for a living.

___ I get at least thirty minutes of energetic exercise three times per week.

___ I treat my body to a therapeutic massage, a steaming bath, or a soak in the Jacuzzi, etc. at least every other week. I know my body must feel good or I can't perform well.

___ Sleeping at least seven hours per night is the norm for me, and I let my body rest when it needs to. I am not afraid to power-nap!

___ I use positive self-talk and affirmations to re-program my mind, and I treat myself like my own best friend and supporter.

___ I take advantage of programs and seminars that enhance my life and put me in touch with the creative genius and natural problem-solver within me.

___ Regular time spent with a coach, counselor, or mentor keeps me moving forward in my life with grace, awareness, and positive results.

Spirited Solutions™ is here to help you grow your roots deep, to know who you are, and to become who you want to be!  Together let's root out any obstacles to your success and peace of mind!

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Getting Un-stuck!
This article appeared in the January 2005 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

My clients and students tell me over and over, "You helped me get un-stuck!" What that means to each person varies. For some, it means releasing the past and creating an entirely new career path or business. For others it means reinvigorating the stagnant areas of their relationships and work. For yet others, it means spiritual awakening and the rush of being in divine flow, of feeling the freedom of surrender to a higher, spiritual reality.

The advent of 2005 offers us a chance to take stock of where we are and take decisive action that will move us forwards to where we want to be. I challenge you to make an honest appraisal of where you are in your life. Where do you want to be this time next year? Where do you feel stuck, paralyzed, or powerless?

Our stuck places are actually pregnant with possibility! What is "stuckness"? Isn't it the awareness that we are bigger, better, and more bountiful than we appear to be at the moment? Isn't it frustration that we are not manifesting what we want in our lives and living up to our potential?

Imagine gluing a block of wood to the floor. You secure it fastidiously using carpenter's glue or super glue, according to your fancy; then the wood dries and cannot be moved. Later you try to pry it up from the floor. You chip away at it, bit by bit, and finally, the glue gives way and the block flies off, free.

Our lives are like this, yet we represent both the wooden block and the glue. What have you immobilized in your life? How have you immobilized yourself? What do you need to chip or pry away to set yourself free?

Let me suggest a few actions to help you get unstuck. These steps are to be taken in order as a process, but just focusing on even one of them will benefit you!

• Ask yourself and your closest friends where you are stuck. Take an honest assessment of your life in four quadrants:  your work life,  your relationships, your spirituality, and your overall health of mind, body, and spirit. Note what is not working, and brainstorm creative ways to overcome these challenges.

• Close your eyes and spend some time checking in with your body. Where do you feel stuck in your body? Where do you feel tension, discomfort, or pain? Ask your body what you need to change about your lifestyle, thoughts, and habits in order to be happy and healthy. Spend some time journaling about this. Let your body speak to you through your writing.

• Now close your eyes, and envision a life you would love to lead! Create a mini video in your mind about a typical day in that dream life. Notice the sequence of events in that day. Where are you working? What are you doing? Who surrounds you and how are they supporting you? What are your feelings as you live out this day in your dream life?

• Finally, imagine you are rewinding the video in your mind, and you are able to see the individual steps you must take to create your dream life. As Helmut Schmidt asserts, "Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take many small steps." We don't get there overnight. All the major geniuses of history survived many failures and persisted to reach their goals. Why would you be any different? Make a list of the action steps you glimpse as you rewind the video, and let this be your game plan for the year ahead.
   

  I don't believe in New Year's resolutions. I believe in solutions! Spirited Solutions is here to help you make the most of your resources and to assist you in living the life of your dreams! As Alice Walker counsels,
   

  "Don't wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you've got to make yourself."

  Let us help you make conscious choices to create happiness and fulfillment. Let us help you find the solutions that will get you and your life un-stuck and empower your spirit!

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Making Peace with the Past
This article appeared in the September 2004 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

Have you ever browsed one of the internet dating sites and marveled at the number of "lonely hearts" out there? Our society offers "coupledom" as one of the panaceas of a number of modern ills, and it is both idealized and idolized in our culture.

Many people end one relationship and then immediately begin another, attached like Velcro to the new object of their affections. They don’t take the necessary time to examine the relationship, what did and didn’t work and why it ended. More importantly, they don’t take the time to forgive themselves and their former partner.

Recently, I’ve found myself doing extensive forgiveness work. It’s not been fun; in fact, it’s never fun. Yet each time I forgive (and some individuals I have to forgive over and over!), I feel better, lighter, happier, and more whole.

Only when we forgive are we freed to be in the kindest sort of relationships with ourselves, the Divine, and others. Forgiveness doesn’t have to be elaborate—It can be as simple as affirming, "I, Barnsley, forgive __________ for any hurt, real or imagined, s/he may have caused me." But forgiveness does need to be felt, and that is why it is best attempted with a witness, another person who can help you hold the space for forgiveness and support you as difficult feelings come up during the process.

In fact, when I facilitate powerful forgiveness sessions for clients, they experience a release of long-held emotions! Most clients also report that within a few days, one of the people they have long been troubled by contacts them and the interaction is positive—Those we forgive feel the change too! They are freed by our forgiveness work, but most importantly, we are freed by doing it!

Who would you like to forgive? Let Spirited Solutions™ help you do this challenging but rewarding work. You will see a dramatic, positive shift in your life in just two sessions focused on forgiveness.
Why don’t you give yourself the gift of forgiveness! Isn’t it time to make peace with your past and be free to live (joy)fully in the present???

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The Freedom of Forgiveness
This article appeared in the Fall 2001 issue of Spirited Solutions' Newsletter.

As some of you know, I recently had an emergency appendectomy. One of the real gifts of this experience was the opportunity to look at the amends I needed to make to myself and others, and to let go of people who were/are not supportive of me.

I was surprised at the people who came through to help who I did not consider close friends and equally surprised at the close friends who were not there for me at this time. I did feel let down by those intimate friends who were not there for me; however, I recognize that Spirit was giving me an excellent opportunity to realign my life with the people whose values and lifestyles closely match my own. It is difficult to let go of old friends, yet sometimes it is necessary. We can forgive the person, even if we cannot forgive their behavior.

All of us have someone to forgive, and most of us need to forgive ourselves for past mistakes as well as our Higher Power for not doing everything "our" way. I offer you the following very effective procedure for forgiveness:

• Make a list of everyone you need to forgive on one side and everyone you need to be forgiven by on the other. Work with the list for several days, adding to it as needed. Remember to include yourself and your Higher Power.

• As soon as you are ready, light a candle and say a prayer to Divine Spirit asking for help in forgiving and being forgiven. Read each name on your list, visualize the person’s face in your mind, and say "I forgive you completely, so and so" or "I ask to be forgiven by you completely, so and so." Then speak a blessing aloud for that person, such as "John, I bless you with love and joy." Trust your heart to find the right words.

• When done, rip the paper into tiny pieces and burn it in a safe place. (I use my great grandmother’s cast iron pan but have to disconnect my smoke alarm first!) Put the ashes in a sealed envelope and go release them in a place you love that has both land and water. (University Lake and Jordan Lake have no doubt been the recipients of many of my clients’ forgiveness work.)

• Know that with this process you have freed up space for more love, light, and joy in your life. Forgiveness is always something we do for ourselves, not the person to be forgiven.

If you find it hard to undertake this process, feel free to schedule a session with me and I will support you in completing it and also do some energetic clearing for you. It is usually extremely helpful to have another person present, guiding and uplifting you as you confront and let go of resentments, bitterness, and hurt.

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What the Heck are New Year's (Re)solutions?
This article appeared in the Winter/Spring 2004 issue of Spirited Solutions'
Newsletter.

Does your throat close up when you think about making resolutions for the new year??? If so, you’re not alone. That’s why I’d like to suggest that we all take a much gentler and more effective approach.

First of all, grab a pen and paper. Don’t hesitate! Do it now! Spend ten minutes with me right this moment that will change your life, I guarantee it!

Let’s get started. Just answer these questions quickly and simply. Don’t belabor them, and don’t get caught up in a bunch of details. Just jot down clear, direct answers, okay?

1. What are three to five goals you would like to accomplish in the next six months? For example, one of mine is to work on writing my book two mornings a week.

2. What are three to five goals you would like to achieve in the next year? Make your goals specific. (Witness the power of "I want to work out at least 45 minutes three times a week" versus the vague, "I want to lost weight." Specific, measurable, attainable goals get results!)

3. Which people are most important to you in your life?

4. What are the most essential activities/pursuits in your life?

Now take your answers and get real! Are you doing something every day to keep your goals in sight? Are you nourishing the people you love? Are you cultivating yourself by doing the things you are passionate about on a daily basis?

Keep your answers to these questions on your desk, your refrigerator, your dashboard and remember that these are your chartings for the new year. Don’t make the ordinary negative resolutions ("I want to give up smoking," "I want to lose weight," blah, blah, blah.) Instead, make (re)solutions in which you identify what you want most and determine the specific means to make these dreams reality.

An example of a strong (re)solution: "I plan to work out three times at week in order to lose ten pounds and be healthy and fit." Keep the benefits in the forefront! Why are you doing what you’re doing, and what do you (re)solve to change? Why not let Spirited Solutions™ give you a hand? Positive, powerful, dynamic change is what we’re all about! Happy new year and new you!

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Putting Out Fires
This article appeared in the Fall 2003 issue of Spirited Solutions' Newsletter.

I recently cleared out my day, planning to catch up on all my paperwork and write this newsletter. I was asking God what to write about. The topic was not yet clear and so I settled down to other things.

Lo and behold, a scented candle in a glass container in my bathroom upstairs exploded and caught the shower curtains on fire. It was my beloved 15-year-old cat, Claude, who howled like a hyena so that I ran upstairs to find my room and bathroom engulfed in smoke, the bathroom on fire.

If you EVER doubt that we have Divine help and angels all around us, I hope you will reconsider! Somehow, I was able to reach through the blazing shower curtains, grab a dinky little shower head, and put that fire out.

Then I opened a window, stuck my head out for fresh air (the smoke was dark and toxic) and ran downstairs. By this time, my neighbor pounded on my door, prompted by the smoke billowing out the window and the smoke alarms.

I handed my largest dog to him first, then the little four-pound one, and then I rushed back upstairs, into the smoke, to find my cats.

I finally found Cotton but I couldn’t find Claude, the old-timer, who had alerted me to the fire even before the smoke alarms went off. I scrambled through the house, looking in and under everything and praying aloud. Finally I found Claude behind a bed, and we got out of the house. Everyone was safe!

The fire department showed up five minutes later. What would have happened if I had not been able to put that fire out? When I went to the doctor, they were amazed that my lungs were functioning well and my pulse and blood pressure were normal. I had second degree burns on my arms and hand, but they didn’t even hurt. In short, the entire event, though traumatic, was also a miracle!

Where have you been putting out fires in your life? Do you think that you are dealing with a crisis or problem all alone and that God has abandoned you? What do you have to gain by calling on the all-powerful presence of Divine Spirit?

I know that God wants me—and you, too—on this planet right now! I also know Divine helpers guided me through that fire and continue to do so now! I thank God for being there for each of us, through every event, and for blessing me with awareness that it can all be snatched away very quickly. And I thank God for the animal angels who bless—and save—our lives!

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Living with Loss
This article appeared in the Summer 2003 issue of Spirited Solutions'
Newsletter.

For many of us right now, it’s a time of uncertainty, frustration, and downright grief about war and what some would deem its necessity in human "civilization." We’re all reeling—consciously or unconsciously—from the messages the media and our political leaders have been propagating, and whether we’d like to admit it or not, this war is taking a toll on our emotional and physical resources.

Obviously, our suffering is nothing in comparison to what many Iraqis are living with at the moment. Yet it is still suffering. And if we can somehow get a handle on our grief, our sadness, our anger, and all those mixed emotions we feel (or repress), then we can help create some peace in our lives.

Life is full of so many losses, major losses brought about fighting, by divorce or separation, by getting laid off, by illness, by death. Then there are the minor losses such as loss of a budding friendship, loss of a material object, even loss of hair. (Some may think this is a major loss, I suppose, in the age of Rogaine…)

As we reflect on what we have lost—individually and collectively—I would like to suggest that we see LOSS as not a bad thing or something to be avoided, but rather as a CATALYST FOR GROWTH. After all, how many of us are willing to learn any kind of life lesson when things are absolutely peachy???

I recently lost an important relationship in my life. It’s not an easy loss, and coupled with the loss of life from the war, it’s enough to make me depressed. Yet I know that this personal loss was necessary to move my life along. Loss doesn’t strip us of everything. In contrast, it takes away what is keeping us and our lives still. Loss is Letting Ourselves Surrender Stagnancy!

Of course we can’t control when someone dies, now can we control any of the losses our physical bodies endure though we can help prevent them through sound nutrition, exercise, and stress reduction. When our bodies reach a point of stagnation in which the physical form can no longer function, the soul/spirit/essence must move on to another form. We are energy, and according to a fundamental law of physics, energy is neither lost nor gained; it simply changes form. Hence loss is simply a change of form in which our bodies, our lives, our beings release stagnation and embrace flow, the inevitable movement of the natural cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

Loss is natural, but why is it so hard? And what can we do to make it just a bit easier? Here are some suggestions:

• Accept your feelings, particularly of grief, and know that they will pass eventually.

• Light a candle before you go to bed and spend fifteen minutes just feeling your feelings. Cry, shout, sob, or whatever you need to do. You can also incorporate some journal writing into this time. Regular time to grieve will help you move forward and keep you functioning the rest of the time.

• Reach out for support. Join a prayer or meditation group, find a counselor, get a massage or Reiki treatment for relaxation. Realize that your grief will manifest itself physically and emotionally, so tend to both your body and spirit.

• Undertake exercise that you enjoy—The release of endorphins in your body will balance out the sadness and emptiness you feel and give you stamina through a difficult time.

• Never underestimate the ability of your angels, spiritual guides and teachers, and Higher Power to support you! Sit down, get quiet, and ask for help from your spiritual support of the light. Place your hands palm up so you can feel their presence with you.

• Remember that loss is Letting Ourselves Surrender Stagnancy. Know that movement is happening in your life and new people, jobs, opportunities, and blessings are on their way to you NOW! Let yourself be reborn like the phoenix rising from the dust of its own fiery ashes.

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The Secret of Happiness
This article appeared in the Winter/Spring 2003 issue of Spirited Solutions'
Newsletter.

Recently I ran into an old grad school friend who observed, "Barnsley, you are about the happiest person I know." His remark got me thinking about happiness. What is its source and how can we cultivate it?

First of all, I’m not addressing the shallow happiness of material pleasures though I’m sure those contribute to our well-being and comfort. (Nothing like a cup of rich hot chocolate and a luxurious bubble bath, for example!) What I’m talking about is the happiness that comes from living your life as YOU see fit, according to YOUR beliefs and guidance from YOUR Higher Power.

That doesn’t mean a life devoid of pain or sorrow. In fact, I’ve found that pain and sorrow can give rise to the most exquisite awareness of what it is to be fully human, to be in a body that aches sometimes, holding a heart that breaks at times.

My first big heartbreak was my parents’ separation and divorce, an event that effectively estranged me from my brother and father. I was overweight and hitting puberty with glasses, braces, corrective shoes, and a slew of blackheads. I felt UGLY, to put it bluntly—and unloved—so I spent a couple of years after my parents’ split not speaking except if I absolutely had to. (I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true!) I cut myself off from everyone around me and let my loneliness and sorrow fester inside.

Then at sixteen, I made a decision, a conscious decision, to be happy. I remember telling myself that everything I did from there on out was for my happiness, growth, and empowerment! My life changed radically—I lost weight, started singing and acting, became popular on my own terms, and began to see life as an adventurous script I was co-writing with God.

My life illustrates that happiness is a choice, a choice that I continue to make on a daily basis now. Happiness is a perspective, one that becomes, with enough practice, a state of being. It arises out of a deep compassion for ourselves and others in which we refuse to see ourselves as struggling alone. As the Dalai Lama says so eloquently in The Art of Happiness, our compassion frees us to love ourselves, our enemies, and everyone with whom we come into contact. Compassion sets us free, free to be happy in the deepest sense of the word!

You may think there are plenty of reasons to not be happy: We’re at war, unemployment is high, we’re in a recession, blah, blah, blah. And these are all legitimate concerns. However, take a look with the eyes of a child at your life! You can breathe, you can see (with your actual eyes and your inner eye!), you can walk, talk, sing, dance, read, write, and so much more! And even if you have a "disability," I am sure your other senses have become much stronger to compensate, so you are blessed with extra gifts others will never have.

The point is, this is not a time for pity pots. We cannot afford to make the choice to be UNhappy! The world needs our hope and faith, and most assuredly our desire to serve in whatever way we can RIGHT NOW! Do you want to know what the secret of happiness is? Look around you, and find it in the threads of your common life. Weave them together in an intricate pattern that pleases YOU and wrap them around your heart. Then you can wrap that around the world, bringing harmony and peace wherever you go and nurturing a happiness born from deep within yourself, from the powerful force of good that you are on this planet!

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Here's to a Prosperous New Year
This article appeared in the Winter/Spring 2002 issue of Spirited Solutions'
Newsletter.

Many of us have experienced much pain and grief since our last newsletter that went out just before September 11^th. I hope that the forgiveness process therein was helpful to you in dealing with the events of that day. When I sent out the mailing, little did I know how important forgiveness would be for us, not just as individuals but also as a nation. Spirit is always guiding us to what we need, and I pray that each of you is making peace, in your own way, with the hatred and violence we have experienced recently and probably also felt ourselves.

Of course, so many people in the world are exposed to incredible hatred and violence on a daily basis, so one of the gifts of 9-11 has been to open our eyes to the privileges and liberties we enjoy here in the United States. Yet another essential gift of this tragedy has been to put us in touch with what matters most in our lives—our relationships with ourselves, with our Higher Power, with our loved ones, and with those to whom we are responsible through the careers/callings we have chosen.

Nothing happens by chance, and we are each still here on this planet for a reason. This New Year, it is my prayer that we will each CULTIVATE and APPRECIATE our prosperity, the bounty that the Divine has given us to SHARE with others! Far too frequently, we equate prosperity with our bank balances, our cars, our homes, and our IRAs, but what if we each looked at our SPIRITUAL ASSETS?

As White Eagle says, "Your true self is a shining spirit." You can choose to be a blessing to everyone around you at any and every moment. Let me suggest the following ways you can "capitalize" on your spiritual assets:

• Leave love messages! Make special calls to your family and close friends (or old friends you haven’t talked to in a while) and tell them how much you love them. Tuck love notes into the pockets, purses, or lunches of your family and friends.

• Make eye contact wherever you go. Ask people how they are doing and genuinely listen and respond to what they say. (You’ll be surprised how many people will sense that you care and avoid the mundane "I’m fine" answer.)

• Observe the world around you and compliment strangers (and those you know) on what you find unique and striking about them. Acknowledge their beauty and realize it reflects your own!

• Practice "radical gratitude". Give thanks for whatever happens in your life and open to receiving the gifts and lessons that Spirit is teaching you.

• Make a practice of tithing to the sources of your spiritual support –a ministry, a massage therapist, a counselor, a writer, a teacher, or anyone else who nourishes your shining spirit. Trust the Divine to supply all your needs and know that everything you give to others returns to you multiplied!

• Rip up all your New Year’s resolutions and instead resolve to practice loving-kindness to yourself and everyone around you!

At Spirited Solutions™, we are committed to helping you experience and magnify the prosperity that is your divine birthright. Let us help you create a bountiful life, both personally and professionally!

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Gratitude is POWER!
This article appeared in the November 2004 issue of Spirited Solutions'
E-Newsletter.

Why does Zig Ziglar say gratitude is the most important human emotion? What is it about gratitude that can change our lives so radically?

Gratitude is the recognition of the opulence that is in our lives, right now! It is an emotional state in which we feel how blessed we are to be alive, right here, right now, at this particular point in history!
If you doubt the transformative power of gratitude, think about its opposites: self pity and ingratitude. When we're not grateful, we wallow in a victim state. "Oh, my life will never change. I can't get things done. I'm not making a profit. My relationship is on the rocks," blah, blah, blah. Life has done this to us. We are the passive recipients of an unfair, untenable situation.

But when we are grateful, we are active! We actively thank people and our Higher Power for the role they play in our lives. You may think that when you thank someone else, you are doing something for them, but let me suggest another idea: When you thank someone else, you are simultaneously affirming within yourself and to the world that you deserve to be blessed in the way that that individual helped you. By thanking another, you are doing something powerful for yourself: You are making it okay to receive even more blessings from everyone and everything around you.
 

Think about a time in your life when you experienced flow and bounty, everything was going well, business was streaming in, your relationships were loving and supportive, and you felt fabulous! I'd warrant at that incredible time in your life in which everything just "clicked," you were thanking God, other people, and the Universe for your success!

Do you want to be more successful, right now?? Do you want to be more fulfilled, energetic, and productive, right now? Take these steps today (and every day) and watch your personal and professional life transform. And do write me with your successes, okay?

Each day, make a habit of thanking at least one important person in your life your spouse, child, employee, boss, mail carrier, etc. for what they do to make your life better! Don't just thank them verbally. Be creative! Write a card, leave chocolates at their door, create and a frame a computer certificate that says "World's best _______" and fill it in with their name and the role they play in your life. Buy them flowers or a balloon! (And by the way, fellas like flowers and balloons too.)

Use your commuting time as a time to verbally give thanks for all the good in your life - the hot breakfast you just ate, the project you are working on, the new clients that have come your way, the beautiful flower that bloomed in your front yard overnight. When we make a practice of giving thanks for the large and the minute joys of our days, we become so much more aware of the prosperity we have at this very minute. Life becomes a cherished privilege rather than a burdensome struggle.

Each and every day, spend at least ten quality minutes connecting with a dear friend and a family member by phone or in person. Give that individual your complete attention, and listen carefully to what you discuss. The universe has a funny way of providing us with answers to our questions and problems in the form of "light" conversation! Light conversation can indeed shed light on a difficult situation and help you resolve issues more quickly.

Finally, when you feel down, discouraged, or depleted, give thanks! Give thanks for the problems, events, and challenges that are making you a resilient, resourceful, and wise human being! Remember that to somebody out there, you are a hero. Be grateful for the opportunity to set a powerful example in your gratitude and enthusiasm for life! You are making a difference!

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